oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
