Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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