Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
