if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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