Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk is a universal language darling
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
