6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
