I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
