if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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