Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
