Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
