Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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