I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
