I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
