I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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