my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
