If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
