Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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