Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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