Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
