saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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