we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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