I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
PANTIES FOUND
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