So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
