well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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