I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
