Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just gift wrapped bread.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
