is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
