All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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