You're so nebulous sometimes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
