Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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