Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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