I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My bed smells like the plague
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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