My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
