he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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