I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
