You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
