My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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