Barsexuality is the new black.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
