I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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