Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
