Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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