I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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