the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
