dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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