I could have mohawked her pubes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
