So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
