i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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