In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
