thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
