Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
