I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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