i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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