I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
