Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
