bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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