Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
