Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
