someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
