I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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