I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
