through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
