Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
