Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
