he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
