didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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