OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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