You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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