I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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