I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
