What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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