the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
