he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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