The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did I show you my penis last night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
