D3 body, D1 cock
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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