So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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