So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
