Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
