We named our party play list daddy issues
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
