I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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