he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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