Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
