her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
