I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
