I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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