I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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